Nirmal Merchant

Immunoefficiency: The obsession with privacy and its correlation with the popularity of Reality Television.

Our world is shrinking around us. We do not know our neighbours or the person staying in the opposite apartment. Any attempt by a stranger to strike a conversation with us is perceived as a threat.

Pause for a moment and observe the people around you.

Commuters in a Subway, each sitting there alone in crowd, always on guard, with their iPod/Walkman/Player plugged into their ears, making every attempt to shut out the world around themselves. This is my world.. the perfect world, where I have total freedom, I do what I want, I listen to what I please. I am self-reliant and independent. I need no one for my existence.

Sounds like I am stretching it too far, may be the person is just trying to enjoy the music on the player that he/she has so painstakingly bought. Or may be the person just had a bad day and does not want to talk to anyone for the moment. Well yeah sometimes it so happens that a Carriage full of people want to do their own thing and want to be left alone. And who ever wants intrusive and personal questions from a stranger. What's his/her business with it. It's my life and "I choose" to live it the way I do.

This same commuter, goes home, switches on the television and takes immense pleasure in watching "Survivor" or watcing the "private" moments while a millionnaire dating a series of men/women and attempting to choose his/her bride/groom to be. Hear about the latest gossip on celebrity couples. In other words, we take immense pleasure in becoming "Legalized peeping Tom's" into other people's lives. We don't mind watching a mother and a daughter argue about some very emotional and personal issues on Oprah.

You might argue that we all know, most of reality television is a hoax. Its fabricated, its staged, its Entertainment. But that's besides the point. I am questioning our curiosity and delight in watching reality television. Somewhere it satisfies our urge to know others, relate to them and learn from them. Unconsciously it satisfies our urge to know where we stand amongst our peers, and our urge to justify our ways and existence through a comparison with that of others.
Time and again we hear of human beings as "Social Animals". Isn't the natural instinct of a human being to know others around him/her. Well they are, hence the increasing number of social groups, networking groups, dating services and more. Here I actively interact with a number of people. We get together for a mutually beneficial purpose and stick to that business. Besides, "I get to choose" the ones I want to interact with.

Now observe this, the Mumbai local train stops in between stations due to technical problems. My co-passenger in the Mumbai Local train makes a loud guess about how late is he going to be, for an appointment. The other co-passenger, she remarks how this has become a frequent occurance on this line, especially during the monsoons. Others jump into the conversation. Someone cracks a joke.. "the Local train stops at all stations.. The Express train stops in between all stations." I put in my few pennies of thought and reasoning. I gather that one co-passenger works in the same firm as I do, another works for a call center for the same mobile company that I hire services from, yet another is a teacher in a computer education institute. I had a problem with my mobile which I shared with the co-passenger working for the mobile company..he immediately advised me on the most efficient manner to get it resolved. I had been wanting to give a certification examination in Oracle Apps and got enough information to make my decision. My colleague, she discussed about a few problems at work and I ended up giving her my take on it..only to receive a thankyou from her a few days later on how I helped her to sort things at work. Yes, there were those "intrusive" questions in between, am I married or single, how many family members do I have, do I stay with them or alone.. so on and so forth. I answered many of them frankly, as a matter of fact. These were things that a person following me closely for a day would know in an instant. Other's I chose not to answer and they respected my choice, some after a little resistance. I see answers to these questions as investments in the relationship that you are building at that moment. The opposite person get's to know what your boundaries are and the nature of relationship you want to enter into. Many of these casual acquaintances, I never meet again or hear from ever. It was just that one spontaneous act of sharing and nothing thereafter. Other's are now my close friends and confidants.

Life's easy here.. it flows like a river where rivulets contribute their few drops into it. The river is what it was made by hundreds of rivulets that flow into it, on the way to the ocean. It does not and cannot choose what flows into it, or what effect some of the rivulets have on its flow and speed. The river knows that inspite of all this water it accummulates on the way.. it is what it is. Living one's life is a collaborative effort.

In the prior there are distinct advantages, you get to choose.. who, when, why, how do you interact with other people. You are given your time to prepare yourself before the interaction, put on your best self suited for the occasion. You have greater control over how fast/slow the river flows and what flows into it.

One's a cultivated farm, the other is the wild forest. What do you want your life to be?